Is it because I queefed?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
