I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
