2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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