Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
