I could have mohawked her pubes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
