Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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