meet me or not, i'm out of control
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
