Sober January is a disaster.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
