His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
