hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
