The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
