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there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
