So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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