I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
