Welp...herpes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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