I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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