you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
