My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
