it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
