Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
