I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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