Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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