I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
