i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
COCAINE IS GR8
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
