it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
