I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
