HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
