I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
