So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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