Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How's work?
Spinning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
