I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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