Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
