I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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