I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How does it feel to date your dad?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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