his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
