Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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