thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
