why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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