i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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