He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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