the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
