Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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