giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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