yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
