Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's never too late to be topless.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
