imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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