Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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