Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
