it wasn't lemon gatorade
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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