Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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