I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize