if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
