you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
