they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
