Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
