her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
