The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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