you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
