I can text with my tongue
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
