We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
