quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
