I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
