I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
