is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
