Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
