I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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