This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
