Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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