i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
