My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
