As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize